Is persistence. I chose this word for a couple different reasons.
- I needed a word that would allow me to continue in a forward motion.
- I needed a word that would help me stay focused on growth and bravery.
- I wanted a word to represent strength and motivation, because lets face it, who doesn’t need strength and motivation?
- Finally, I wanted this word to follow my 2019 word (thanks Margaret for the suggestion), sort of like the next chapter because, it’s not like the word you choose just goes away at the end of that year, it continues on.
Perhaps I need to explain a little bit more about what happened in the last chapter.
In 2019, I chose the word evolve. I thought that after my husband’s cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery, we weren’t the same people. We needed to redefine normal and figure out what our new normal was going to be. I thought if I chose a meaningful word, made a list of goals, I could just go out there and kick butt (sort of like I always do). So, I made my list and dug in. A few things that were on my list (no judgement please…):
- I got a new printer (totally needed that).
- I planned a few camping trips with my family (we all totally needed that).
- I finished my website transition and started blogging again (I’m on a roll right…).
- We put up a new fence in our yard (that was an expensive but necessary goal).
- I joined a gym and started to peel away the layers of YUCK I’ve been feeling for the last few years (sadly, I didn’t peel away any pounds, but you have to start somewhere).
- Mark and I even took a few trips without the kids (we have quickly realized that we love adulting).
All seemed to be moving along nicely… I was feeling good, my husband was feeling good and life was evolving into that new normal I was so craving. The problem was, I wasn’t satisfied. I wasn’t feeling normal despite all my normal efforts. I kept looking at my list, I was checking things off and still… not feeling satisfied. It was like this huge void that could not be filled.
So I did what any normal person would do… I dug into my toolbox and pulled out some old habits and behaviors that I thought would fill that void (HINT: this is where everything went south). I started to find myself feeling more frustrated, annoyed and most of all stuck in all the yuck.
If there was one positive thing about dealing with my husbands cancer, it was that I learned how to eliminate all the crap from my life and focus on what was important.
Nothing was working. Nothing was helping me get out of my rut. So, I just stopped and stood. Stuck, for a very long time.
The good news is that when this happened, I took that very painful (and heavy) step back to assess what the heck was going on. I realized that what used to help me stay on track, be motivated, feel brave and be successful, no longer was satisfying. No matter how many times I tried to re-engage those old habits and behaviors…they didn’t work. They no longer serve a purpose in my life.
HOLY COW! I evolved and I didn’t even know it. It’s almost like I had to get that stuck before I could figure out how to move forward.
So, you can see now why I’ve still got a lot of work to do… hence, my persistence. So I’m excited to start 2020. I am now choosing persistence to find those new motivators and super powers that will satisfy and reignite my soul. Hey… did I just pick a 2021 word?
If you picked a word for 2020, what is it?